The Score
by ShortCake
Summary: Ok this is what you get for drinking soda at 3 o'clock in the morning with your friend! Rated R for swearing and adult themes. Contains myself (Carrie), Emily (my friend), Ron, Harry, Draco, and others. Oh, and there is a small dialouge before anything Ha
1. Default Chapter

I don't own any of these characters except myself and Emily!!!!!  
  
  
  
  
  
Emily:I hate History Fair! ok. ... i'm gonna type.  
Carrie: okay, uhhh ... i hate history faiiiir ... aaand, *gasp* I KNOW the perfect way to kill hf! what we need to dooo is take some rat poison ... *phone rings* .... is the phone ringing?  
Emily: "yeah"  
Carrie: "no, it's the volume ... which one should we set it on?wedgeee! wedgeee!"  
Emily: "you mean the ringer?"  
Carrie:"no, it's the volume. anyho, the way to kill hf is we get some rat poison .... and we put it in some cigarettes .. no, no cigars ... aannd, whenever those hf people win! whatever they win .... then we say CIGAR, cos that's what people do when they smoke (not good people tho) *ACHOO* so anyway, they'll smoke the rat poison cigar and they'll DIE a horrible death!!!!! *hacking cough* poooooooot"   
Emily:"okay, that sounds good to me. but how do we get past the HOTSEX officials who will definitley be checking the happy HOTSEX cigars for ratpoison?"   
Carrie:"we sneak in some cigars that ... no .... WE ... we discolor the rat poison so that it doesn't LOOk like rat poison ... and we put a little vanilla extract in it so it don't really TASTE like rat poison. but the trick is, it WILL be rat poison!"   
Emily:"but, they can still schmell it"   
Carrie:"well, the vanilla takes care of that. BRILLANt! brrrrrilliant ... *rolls the r* whatevger .... "   
Emily: "heh, i am making really bad typos in this, but THAT'S OKAY, because i don't want to be a court room typer person woman when i grow up! right?"   
Carrie: "that's too bad, i always wanted you to be the court room typer person at my drug bust hearing."   
Emily: "drug what"  
Carrie: "bust hearing"  
Emily: "well, i'm sorry, but i will be the new defense against the black arts teacher at hogwarts"  
Carrie: "what if i turn .. instead of hogwarts ... its duckwarts"   
Emily:"then people will obviously be more compelled to bomb the school"  
Carrie: "do ducks even have worts? do hogs have warts for that matter? do hogs have mead?"  
Emily: "ummmm .... genital warts maybe ... what is meade? isn't that a spiral notebook company?"  
Carrie: "i don't keep up with spiral notebook business! hogsmeade! HOGSMEADE"  
Carrie: "well, i wouldn't let you go either if you kept picking your nose and coming back and saying that it was candy"   
Emily:"i didn't do that! ummm ... wait. .. where'd you see that exactly?"   
Carrie:"sure, you didn't do that more than once *wink wink* i saw it on 60 minutes"   
Emily:"well, that's nothing compared to when i saw you and neville, *wink wink* in the closet *CONVULSE CONVULSE*"  
Carrie "I saw mommy kissing santa clause, so that just tops it off, doesn't it ...actally ... that was probably dumbledore and santa clause! sometimes my mom gets pretty nasty upperlip hairs .... "   
Emily:"ewwwwwwww. that's nappy. wanna know something else?"  
Carrie: "no!"   
Emily:"o well. i also saw you, draco, and harry ... erm ... together"  
Carrie:"hey, that wouldn't be so bad"  
Emily: "but a threesome? i never thought you'd be THAt kind of person, carrie ... wait .... that sounds kinda cool .... harry + carrie = 69"   
Carrie:"well, i'm not the one being gay ... it's harry and draco .... but hey, they're both hotties ... so they both seduced me ... with their *DISCREET WINK* Maaaaagic and their knowledge of broomsticks"  
Emily: "hey, they both play quidditch, right?"   
Carrie:"but this time they were on the same team"   
Emily:"did harry show you his golden snitches?"   
Carrie:"yes, but he had a bad tendency to grab them so ... but they both scored!"  
Emily:"THEY DOVE FOR THE SNITCH YAAAAAY. can i play them next time?"  
Carrie: "no. they only do private lessons."  
Emily: "IT'S BECAUSE I'M BLONDE, ISn'T IT"   
Carrie:"suuuuure ... "   
Emily:"wait, you're blonde too ... so is draco ... erm nevermind"  
Carrie:"it's because i'm younger"  
Emily: "aaaah, they go for younger ones, eh?"  
Carrie: "si"  
Emily: "ummm , heard of the fountain of youth? "   
Carrie:"i know you, emily .... you're just mad that hermione likes harry so you can't get it on with her"  
Emily: "LOLOLOL liar! you're just mad because ... lavendar brown likes parvati patil!"  
Carrie: " hellooo! threesome with harry and draco! now who's jealous??"   
Emily:"HEY. we learned this in teen aid ... sex isn't proving true love!"   
Carrie:"i think it's true love when two hot guys scream out your name in unison"  
Emily:" ... i saw it ... they were really saying MY NAME"  
Carrie: "you were watching? what a pervert"  
Emily: "of course ... but that's nothing compared to the stunts i saw you three do .... i never knew that a broom could BEND in that way!"  
Carrie: "yeah, well after u left ... ron came in! and it got a LITTLe strange for awhile!!! seeing as they all ... *think* couldn't be with me at once"   
Emily:"that took you awhile to say .... anything in particular?"   
Carrie:"well, all i know is .... i was only with one of the three guys. now, what the other two were doing is anybody's guess!"  
Emily: "which one?"   
Emily: "were you with! answer the question now or die"   
Carrie:"i was with all of them at one time or another."  
Emily: "okay, i'm just going to have to pull the three in here now, and start doing this in script format."  
*Note the previous convo. was not in script until I changed it, and hence added this note!~ Carrie*  
*******START HERE***********  
::Emily yells for Draco, Harry, and Ron to come over here::  
Carrie: Okay. I remember distinctly when I was with Draco 'cos he kept yelling "TAKE THOSE POINTS AWAY FROM SLYTHERIN! TAKE THOSE POINTS AWAY FROM SLYTHERIN!"   
Draco: WHAT? Okay ... so I do get carried away ... but I'd think you could at least remember my LEATHER AND CHAIN skills over that!  
Emily: OOOOO, S&M? ::eyes get big::  
Carrie: Soooo ... definitley Ron and Harry were together at some point.   
::Emily is still drooling with big eyes::  
Harry: What about me?  
Carrie: I definitley remember YOU, Harry ... cos when you were with me, you were hot to the touch because of your scar!  
Emily: What the heck?  
Carrie: Lemme go get the first book.  
::she does so::  
Emily: WHAT? Did i not read this or something? Gawd, I don't remember anything   
::Harry pouts::  
::Ron pokes Carrie::   
Ron: OI. My turn.  
Carrie: *thinks ........* Now I remember Ron, but all I remember about Ron is RED  
Ron: ::blinks sorta naively:: .... hruh?  
Carrie: yeah, you were just so fast, all I saw was red!  
ron: HAH! ::points at Draco and harry and LAUGHS in mockery:: that's a good thing right?  
carrie: uh, i think so ...  
draco & harry both: waitasec! you HAVE to decide out of the three of us which was the best!!  
emily: yah, and whichever ones you don't choose will feel awfully dejected! either way, I GET THEM TONIGHT *glare*  
carrie: damn you, no! well, if I have to decide ....  
::while she decides, harry, ron, draco, and emily are discussing plans to meet out back ... on the TRAMPOLINE::  
carrie: bouncing snitches?  
emily: hell yeah! :P  
the boys: DECIDE  
emily: oooo, look how LONG it is ....referring to the text document, of course  
::carrie casts a cautious look at her::  
carrie: Okay. I've decided ... I CAN'T DECIDE, I LOVE YOU ALL .... WAIT NO NO NO, I'VE DECIDED  
::the three hurriedly look back up::  
Carrie: Time spent with each of you was special in its own way  
Harry: Oh gawd, this is going to be longer than the end of Survivor: the australian outback  
Carrie: no no no no, I love you all ... but I must say I have to get props to wood   
Emily: what?  
Carrie: *flips through book* need a quidditch gaaaame ... aha. *talks to herself*   
::Harry blinks::  
Carrie: WOOD WHO, DAMMIT  
Draco: It better not be my dad ...  
Carrie: OLIVER WOOD!  
Emily: who's that?  
Harry: THE GRYFFINDOR TEAM CAPTAIN?!?? WHAT THE HELL???  
Carrie: He had good wood! What can I say? It was lonely after you guys left  
::the three all sulk in a corner and pout::  
Emily: never to feeeear! I AM HERE!   
((((((COMING UP LATER!!! THE BIG DECISION!!!! EMILY'S TURN IS NEXT!!! AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA))))))


	2. Hey! It's Emi's Turn!

Again I own only myself and Emily. exept any books that are mentioned. I BOUGHT THOSE FAIR AND SQUARE!!! I swear.... hee hee........  
  
  
  
  
continued from score...  
Emily: What do you want?  
harry: we want you... to decide  
Emily: ok. umm... that was quick  
Ron: Just a red flash! ha ha!!!!  
Emily: well.. umm... kinda, but I figured that since two of ya'll out of the foursome were quidditch players, they might have had a little more stammina and endurance.  
Draco: I was tired! (from Carrie)  
Carrie: I'm just an energizer bunny, baby!  
Emily: Well I also thought that Harry would have a liitle more self control. But obviously not.  
Harry: The strawberry condom was a little much wasn't it?  
Emily: I never knew latex could turn somebody on so much!  
Harry:... no that was just me!  
Emily: I know you're used to being famous but quit claiming all the attention for yourself!  
Ron: Red flash here!!!  
Emily: ...   
Carrie: no comment  
Emily: ok ... sooooooo..... again later on?  
Draco: TIRED!!!!!!  
Ron: Never fear the Red Flash is here  
Harry: Ron, pal.... it wasn't that flashy  
Draco: Potter.... how do you know?  
Harry: Well you and Emily were busy... and I got bored.... the point is Ron isn't that great!  
ron: Gross!!!! I thought that was Neville's toad!!!!!!   
::Harry grins sheepishly::  
Ron: Why was it slime- nevermind I don't want to know!   
Emily: UUUUMMMMM......  
::Fred and George enter::  
Emily: I thought you two were younger.  
Fred: Huh??? Nevermind.. where were you last night I missed ya!  
George: You? Emily had a date with me  
Carrie: Boys boys!!! If we're gonna fight.... I'll get the oil! Someone light "the" candles!  
Emily: I'm gettig bored! Someone just stick it in there!  
::boys line-up::  
::enter Hermione::  
::Audience "oooohhh"'s::  
Emily: Yo foo!! Jealous 'cause I'm gettin' the hook up?  
Hermione: Yes.... er.... no. Acctually I've been havin' fun with Crookshanks!  
Harry: She always was entertaining on lonely nights- I mean... er... Emily STILL has to decide!  
:: People shout "Yeah!"::  
Emily: *thinks* Ow... Ok.. well.... first of all, I am going to say good things about each of you. Going in Alphabetical order, that would put Draco first: I have to say for him- blondes really do have more fun. And since he is rich, he bought lots of flavored whips. And next would be Harry: Welll......  
::Carrie convulses and falls out of chair in suspense::  
Emily: there were fireworks when he showed me his "Sorceror's Stone". Next would be Fred and George (who count as one)  
Carrie: Kinky!  
Emily: Well.... they definitely kept my hands full and tried out alot of their more secret expiriments on me  
Carrie: How big were there Bludgers?  
Emily: I don't know because half the time they were in something... the bludgers. Next is Ron: Well let's just say, that redheads, from now on, will not only be known for their "temper".  
Ron: Red Flash????  
::Emily gets a sword::  
Emily: I dub thee, Ronald Weasley, Sir Red Flash!!  
Ron-.... Sir Red Flash: (Damn straight!) Now for the decision!  
Emily:Well i am going to be FAIR! And acctually choose from you 5 unlike Carrie!   
Carrie: Have you seen his wood????? How could I lie to myself?  
Emily: MMMMMMMMMMMM......... ya'll were all great. But i have to go with one of my favorite chracters and say.................. the good guys don't always win.  
Harry: *sniffles* First ch-cho and now...... *sobs* eh- eh -eh -eh- emily!!!!!!!!!!!  
Sir Red Flash: What about... you mean I wasted... and I had to feel harry's......Bloody 'Ell!!!!  
Fred and George: Fine! Lavander and Parvati are waiting in the hall for us anyways!!!!!!!!!  
Draco: Eh heh heh heh... *pops knuckles* I knew it I knew it.... It's all that practice with that inflatable... I mean dog... er.... Potter's Snitchers are slimy!!!!!!!  
Sir Red: Don't remind me!... Hey!!! you forgot the flash  
Carrie: Buggar off! I need some soda.  
Emily: Red Flash?  
Ron: Yes?  
Emily: no that's a soda  
Ron: Are you saying i'm fizzy? I think I could like that! When you 'pop my top' and I 'flow down you throat' to you feel all 'refreshed'?  
Emily: ... no..... snitch feeler...  
Ron: He rubbed it against my leg!!! Was it my fault????????????  
Harry: It isn't slimy!!! Anyways it's got more spunk than Mr. Flash's!!!!  
Ron: That's Sir Falsh!!!!!!.. errr.... Flash!  
:: Meanwhile Emily and Draco sneak off into the 'Broom Closet'::  
Carrie: Okay there's only one way to settle this. Boys, surrender your weapons for inspection!  
  
  
  
  


** The Disgusting End!!!**


End file.
